Jewish Dating And Marriage For Seniors
This is one of the top senior dating sites for Jewish people and is exclusively for Jewish singles over 50 years old. Many of the other dating websites are geared towards younger people, so this is a pretty great option if you’re looking for a new partner later in life. Jewish Mingle is an online dating site that was founded in 2001 and is part of the Spark Networks family of web communities. Although it specifically caters to the Jewish community, Jewish Mingle is open to any single man or single woman, age 18 or older. According to the site, thousands of singles have joined.
Elizabeth Sloan had one wish as she contemplated the future while in her mid-50s: an emotionally and financially stable partner who shared her commitment to Conservative Judaism.
Sloan, a marriage therapist from Glendale, Md., had been married once, for three years. After her divorce in 1995, she realized she was looking for someone who wouldn’t roll his eyes at the idea of going to shul.
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She joined dating sites and also considered a matchmaker, but was reluctant to shell out the several thousand dollars most charge. Then, in July 2014, Match.com, one of those online sites, brought Michael Stein into her life.
Stein and his late wife, also named Elizabeth, had been married for nearly 30 years and had three kids together. She died of uterine cancer in May 2013, a year shy of Michael’s 60th birthday. Her death left the corporate lawyer from Northern Virginia adrift.
“I missed the companionship, security, friendship, love—just being able to share life with each other,” says Stein. He hadn’t dated for over three decades and didn’t know current protocols.
Starting over in the dating world is never easy. Starting over when you’re old enough to be a grandparent and Medicare is your primary insurance—that can be downright terrifying.
But as dating-site administrators, professional matchmakers, sociologists and couples themselves acknowledge, older adults are more and more willing to try. As life expectancy hits new highs, members of the 50-plus set are looking for a new or second or even third bashert with whom to share those bonus years, increasingly turning to the internet to make it happen.
There are about 1.2 million Jews 60 or older in the country, says Harriet Hartman, a professor in the Department of Sociology and Anthropology at Rowan University in Glassboro, N.J., and co-author of Gender and American Jews: Patterns in Work, Education, and Family in Contemporary Life.
According to the 2013 Pew Research Center Survey of American Jews, some 43 percent of that demographic is either divorced, separated, widowed or never married. Pew also reported, in 2015, that 12 percent of all adults ages 55 to 64 have used an online dating site or mobile dating app—a big leap from the 6 percent reported just two years earlier.
“I’ve seen a massive increase in the number of seniors reaching out to me for help,” says Lori Salkin, 36, a matchmaker and dating coach with SawYouAtSinai, a site that employs actual matchmakers to work with the online profiles of its 40,000 largely Orthodox members. “SawYouAtSinai has seen between 50 to 100 couples in the senior range marry over the past 10 years.”
She attributes the growth in part to the willingness of older adults to embrace online dating as a way of finding companionship.
Indeed, Stein dated about four or five women from Match.com before the site led him to Sloan. After an initial online connection, the two met at a steakhouse halfway between their offices.
“The conversation was very easy and free flowing,” he recalls of that first encounter. The second date took place the next day, and the third that Shabbat, when Sloan invited Stein to tour her synagogue, Adas Israel Congregation in Washington, D.C.
Jewish Dating And Marriage For Seniors At Home
“I wanted to make sure he would be a good fit,” says Sloan, 58. “I did not invite him to services, because my friends would start asking too many questions, but I gave him a tour after Kiddush and we had lunch later in the afternoon.”
Two weeks later, when Stein was gearing up for a hiking and biking outing in Alaska—the first vacation he had planned since his wife had died—he impulsively asked Sloan to come along. She said no, worried it was too early in the relationship.
Instead, she sent along an iPod loaded with a playlist of favorites—jazz standards, classic rock—so he’d think of her on the plane and during his wilderness travels.
“It worked like a charm,” says Sloan.
But she has since gone on other trips with him, including a January 2016 visit to Ireland, where they became engaged after climbing Slieve League, Europe’s highest sea cliff. “We don’t have a wedding date, but we are looking for venues somewhere in the Northeast U.S.,” says Sloan.
Meanwhile, she advises peers to “give a relationship time to evolve, because at our age we have become accustomed to being with a former spouse, or if we’ve been single for a long time, we’ve learned to live a certain way that is comfortable and familiar. Being with someone new requires a lot of flexibility and openness to change.”
Being open to change helped Bonni Rubin-Sugarman navigate the online dating world after she was widowed in her late 50s. She had been part of a couple for a quarter of a century—a terrific marriage, she says, with two wonderful kids—when her husband, Richard Sugarman, died of cancer at age 55.
A former director of special education for the Haddonfield, N.J., school district and currently a special education consultant, Rubin-Sugarman, 66, says she felt upbeat from the outset of her online quest. But still, there were “disastrous dates”: Her daughter once bailed her out with a well-placed phone call 20 minutes into one. And there was the endless evening she suffered through at a sports bar watching a football game—definitely not her thing.
Then a year and a half after she was widowed, she met Gerald Faich through JDate.
“I got a gem,” Faich, 75, says about Rubin-Sugarman, without any prompting. The retired physician had come to JDate after his marriage of 26 years fell apart.
The two navigated their early, tentative dating steps online and then met for coffee in February 2009 at a Bahama Breeze restaurant in southern New Jersey. What was supposed to be a quick date turned into a four-hour dinner.
“We started out talking about what we do, our paths through our careers, our families, where we lived, our spouses, our kids, his grandkids,” recalls Rubin-Sugarman.
“I knew I was in trouble the minute we started talking,” jokes Faich, president of a Philadelphia-
based drug research and safety consulting firm.
Four years later, they were married before their combined six children and five grandchildren on what Rubin-Sugarman calls “the magical day” in 2013 when Hanukkah and Thanksgiving converged. Their brood has since expanded to nine grandchildren.
Finding matches for an older demographic is different than for those in their 20s and 30s, says Salkin of SawYouAtSinai, who has 33 marriages to her credit and works with over 1,000 singles in a range of ages. For example, since many of her older clients have children and grandchildren, most are “not willing to move, so the match must be someone in their neighborhood.”
Among the other differences that Salkin notes: Seniors are seeking companionship, not someone to have children with; sometimes marriage is not even the end goal. Occasionally, she says, they expand their dating pool to non-Jews, since they’ve already raised Jewish children.
And, the Philadelphia-based Salkin adds, “a lot of times, it’s their children who urge them to create an online profile.”
Salkin uses her parents’ longtime marriage as well as her own 13-year marriage as a template when creating a match. As she seeks to pair SawYouAtSinai clients after reading their online profile and communicating with them via phone or email, she looks at religious observance, socioeconomic backgrounds and lifestyles: Does he read The New York Times and visit museums? Is she an outdoorsy type who prefers hiking to reading? All anyone wants is a spark, she says: “What changes over the years is how that spark is defined: caring, warm, considerate, thoughtful—rather than the sexy you were looking for when in your 20s.”
Matchmaker Jessica Fass, 35, who runs Fass Pass to Love out of the Los Angeles area, says that working with an older clientele is about managing expectations.
“Women in their 40s are not looking to date you,” she tells 70-something men whose wish list includes women 20, even 30 years their junior. “Even if you look good for your age.” Fass, whose services for older clients include helping them navigate online communication and texts as well as preparing dating profiles, has a Jewish clientele across a range of ages. Says Fass, “If you’ve never put your picture online before, of course it’s scary.”
“The main advice for widowed clients from decades-long happy marriages is not to talk about their deceased spouse with a date,” says digital dating coach and matchmaker Judith Gottesman, “and not to expect to find the same type of person and relationship again.”
Gottesman, who is in her 40s, has a master’s in social work from Yeshiva University and runs West Coast-based Soul Mates Unlimited. She coaches her Jewish clients by phone and email and helps create online profiles for established dating sites, which she encourages as a way to expand the search for love.
Gottesman notes a well-known but pertinent fact that can make dating among seniors tricky: As the population ages, women start to outnumber men. Indeed, according to the most recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average American life expectancy is 76 years for a man and 81 for a woman. “There are always more women alive in senior years,” says Gottesman. But the discrepancy should not scare off women because, she states, statistics are irrelevant to “whether I have someone’s match.”
And, she reminds those new to the dating scene, “kisses aren’t promises. Just because someone kisses you goodnight at the end of the date” does not mean he or she will call—
or text.
Marc Goldmann, cofounder and CEO of SawYouAtSinai, views his enterprise not merely as a business but as a mitzvah. He echoes his colleagues’ optimism that there are advantages to having a few more summers under your belt in the dating game. His site includes several gray-haired couples pictured on its home page, and Goldmann notes that in recent years, he has seen close to 3 percent growth in clients in the 50 to 59 age bracket.
“Things that might have felt important at age 25 are quite different at 60,” he says. “There’s definitely something to the saying that with maturity comes wisdom.”
Linda Diamond would likely agree. “I think it’s harder for younger people,” says the education consultant from Menlo Park, Calif., who works with public schools to improve math and literacy training. When you’re older, she adds, “you don’t have fantasies; you’re not looking for a prince charming who’s perfect in every way.”
Like Rubin-Sugarman, Diamond lost her first husband, Richard, after a long marriage. Their daughter, Danielle, is married and living in Israel. Diamond was 64 when Richard died and had no desire to live the rest of her life alone. “I wanted a companion, somebody with whom I had things in common and who was financially independent, someone who shared my values and my religious views,” recalls Diamond, who is Modern Orthodox. And it wouldn’t hurt if he shared her passion for Beethoven and her delight in the movies My Cousin Vinny and Groundhog Day.
Diamond, now 68, was close to giving up on JDate. “I was ready to cancel because strange people were popping up, a lot of them weren’t truthful about their circumstances,” she says. But then Donald Light’s profile appeared. He fit all her categories—and he lived just 40 miles down the freeway.
Light, 71, a computer professional with an adult daughter and son, had been divorced for 10 years after a 25-year marriage. Diamond and Light communicated online for a time, then met at a local Starbucks.
The two married on August 23, 2015, just over a year after meeting. “Having those feelings ignite again was wonderful,” says Diamond. “We were shocked that we could feel that romantic, loving relationship at this point in our lives.”
And she has this piece of wisdom for her contemporaries: “Be persistent and don’t give up on the Jewish dating sites.” And, to cover all your bases, “ask friends!”
It’s a Date
Scouring the internet yields dozens of dating sites, most ranging in price from $10 to $50 a month, though a few offer a limited free membership. A selection of sites includes:
Jewish Seniors Meet
For Jews of all ages looking for a Jewish match: JDate, SawYouAtSinai and Jewcier
For ages 50 and up: OurTimeand SilverSingles
General dating sites: Match.com, Elite Singles, Tinder, OKCupid and eHarmony
Fass Pass to Love, run by matchmaker Jessica Fass, charges between $5,000 and $12,000, depending on the length of the contract and the number of amenities, and has an international clientele of Jews of all ages and religious observance.
Soul Mates Unlimited, run by dating coach and matchmaker Judith Gottesman, who specializes in the West Coast Jewish community, costs $3,600 per year with up to two additional years at no charge if no match is made in the first year.
Fredda Sacharow is a freelance writer and former managing editor of the Jewish Exponent in Philadelphia.
Sometimes the search for your bashert feels more like looking for the needle in a haystack. Online dating sites and apps, Synagogue, friends of friends… you’ve tried everything, but nothing clicks. You need to expand your Jewish dating options. But time is a scarce, precious resource. Hiring a Jewish matchmaker to do all the legwork for you makes sense, but how do you find a good one?
These 7 popular Jewish matchmaking sites and services should get you started in the right direction:
Carolinas Matchmaker
Helmed by Jewish matchmaker Laurie Berzack, Carolinas Matchmaker is based out of Charlotte, North Carolina. She used to have a separate Jewish matchmaking service called ChaiExpectations, but it was rolled into her mainstream business.
Laurie’s matchmaking database is 5,000 singles strong and spans across the United States. But the majority of the potential matches live in the Carolinas and Georgia.
There are two ways singles can use the service – as a paying client, or as an available match.
Joining the database as an available match is free. It only requires filling out an online application form. Becoming a paying client also requires filling out an online application, as well as “passing” an in-person interview process.
Laurie only accepts a limited number of paying clients at any given time. Her fees range from $15,000 to $20,000 per year depending on your individual situation.
Sara's World
Sara Malamud has been in the Jewish matchmaking business since 2001. She is based out of Jerusalem, but works strictly with North American and Canadian Jews.
Potential clients are prescreened via Skype, phone call, or in person while she’s in NYC. She focuses on 15-20 active clients at any given time, and her fees typically run several thousand per year and include coaching services.
Clients are able to say “yay” or “nay” to a prospective match after viewing photos and profile information, and will speak to the match on the phone prior to going on a date.
Simantov International
Simantov International™ is a “boutique” Jewish matchmaking firm based in London. They have been in the business for 40+ years, and focus on matching professional, intelligent Jewish singles.
All of Simantov’s professional matchmakers have a Master’s degree (or higher). They are mainly based in London, but have a small presence in a few other international cities like New York City, Miami, LA, Tel Aviv, and Paris.
Joining the service requires submitting an application and then paying for a screening interview. Once your application’s been approved, you will choose from four membership levels: Courtesy, Discovery, Cosmopolitan, and Premier.
The Courtesy level is designed for people who can’t afford the premium services, and provides one introduction for approximately £250.
The Discovery level allows your profile to be searchable in the database. But it does not come with an active search. The Cosmopolitan level includes a search within a specified radius of your location, while the Premier level is an international search.
Prices for the premium membership levels start around £10,000 a year, with additional fees for coaching, mentoring, etc.
Elegant Introductions
Elegant Introductions™ is a matchmaking service for busy professional singles that's headquartered in South Florida. Their reach is international, with clients throughout North and South America.
Barbara Black Goldfarb and Dr. Nancy Gold Zimmer founded the company in 2013. Zimmer is a psychologist who had a private practice for more than 35 years, and Goldfarb is a philanthropist and community leader who sits on many national boards. They focus on quality over quantity, with thousands of singles in their database.
Joining their database of singles is free, and starts with completing an online form. Potential paying clients also start by filling out the online application.
All potential clients meet with the founders in person prior to joining the matchmaking service. Memberships start at $15,000 and vary in price depending on the particulars of each client's search. Services include feedback after each date as well as coaching.
Saw You At Sinai
SawYouAtSinai® isn’t a high-end Jewish matchmaking service like the others in this article.
Instead, it’s more of a platform or, or as they call it, “online matchmaking network.” SawYouAtSinai unites 350+ volunteer matchmakers from around the world with thousands of Jewish singles who register on the main Jewish matchmaker site or one of its 11 affiliated local sites.
Members will have up to 2 matchmakers chosen for them based on location, age, and religious orientation. After filling out a comprehensive profile and exchanging “get to know you” phone calls and/or emails, matchmakers will select profiles to show each member.
How It Works
The site does not allow profile browsing like you'd find on dating sites; profiles are only visible to both halves of a proposed match. Members have 10 days to accept or decline the potential match. If both parties accept, the matchmaker forwards contact information so that a conversation can be arranged.
Men are advised to call the woman within 3 days of getting her phone number. Members can update their status with each match in the website’s database, i.e. “spoke on phone”, “went on first date”, etc.
Because it’s a large online platform run by volunteer matchmakers rather than a more boutique group of highly experienced matchmaking professionals, experiences with SawYouAtSinai vary significantly. Yours will be highly dependent upon your specific online matchmaker(s).
Creating a profile on the site is free, but you must be a “Gold” member to receive matches. Here are the “Gold” membership costs (subject to change):
- 6 months: $65.70 ($10.95/mo)
- 3 months: $44.85 ($14.95/mo)
- 1 month: $18.95
It is customary under the Shidduch Laws of Jewish matchmaking for a successfully matched couple (i.e. a match resulting in marriage) to pay their shadchan. The going rate is approximately $2,000, with the actual amount to be discussed between the couple, their rabbi and the matchmaker.
Serious Matchmaking
Janis Spindel’s matchmaking business doesn’t exclusively cater to Jewish singles. But she is one of the most successful high-end Jewish matchmakers in the NYC area. She started out in the business over 20 years ago, and now works with her daughter Carly Spindel to find attractive matches for her ultra-elite clientele.
Spindel offers multiple membership levels, with the least expensive being their “Flash Match” package for $6,000. This service schedules 6 high-quality mini dates for you, all on the same night, at an upscale NYC venue.
The private matchmaking services start at $25,000 to work with Carly, and $50,000 to work with Janis. The most expensive service is Janis’s “Global VIP” package, which will set you back a cool million.
Senior Singles Near Me
To learn more about her matchmaking service, check out these Serious Matchmaking reviews.
Jenny Apple
Founded by Jenny Applebaum, a Jewish matchmaker with 10+ years of experience, Jenny Apple® is a boutique matchmaking agency based in Southern California that works with professional Jewish singles of all observance levels.
Although Jenny focuses on the Los Angeles area, searches in other parts of North America, Europe and Israel are possible according to her website.
The least expensive package starts at around $1800, but specific package pricing is discussed after a client is accepted into the program.
Another Way To Meet High-Quality Jewish Singles Fast
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